I feel wiped out from the last 24-hours. The car thing was obviously the biggest stresses, but today my leg is bothering me pretty good from my stupid thing at the park. On top of that, I was running a little late today and Amelia was not happy. Also, as always, our house is a complete disaster.
I just feel a stress overload and maybe it’s just the combination of nonsense, and I am grateful the car got taken car of, but that gave me so much anxiety driving to and from Auto Zone.
I feel like maybe the biggest thing this morning waking up, was the terrible shape the house is in. I cleaned up the basement, which is nice because Amelia can play down there with no worries, but as I got up this morning with the kids and went to the kitchen, I just sit there and feel the anxiety creeping up again with the mess. I got the dishes loaded, but that’s just a tiny portion of it. Maybe I’m stressed because I know I had to go to work so I can’t work on anything, but it’s just the overall frustration that I feel like I spend all of my time cleaning up messes that are easily preventable regardless of kids.
Here’s the thing, I don’t expect the house to be spotless, or tidied up all of the time, but I do at least ask that messes attempted to be cleaned up after they are made. Seeing old food on the counters or whatever really drives me nuts. I don’t mind doing the dishes, but I just need some help so I don’t have extra work coming behind.
I just hate the shape our house is in, and I feel like I just can’t get a handle on it and it really is starting to depress me. I ultimately am deciding to just put a hault on going anywhere on my days off. Obviously Thursday was a curve ball and I wanted to get the kiddos out with Jen, but a trip to the park turned in to 2 different Target stores and Sam’s Club. Again, Sam’s was to pick something up for Kyle who had fixed my car, and even one Target trip is cool, but by the time we got home I was tired and it was close to 10 o’clock. I just want our house to get organized and it’s starting to get to the point where it completely sets me off, I feel a sense of anxiety, depression and anger just looking at our house.
I don’t know how to handle the mess, but it’s getting worse and worse. Maybe I just need to reach out to my parents and see if they can watch the kids while I clean, just something to get my full attention on cleaning, but I just feel so embarrassed by our house, and that is turning in to some strong effect on my mood. It drives me nuts, hopefully I can find a method to get the house back in shape.